Purani Jeans

We all were sitting in a room with seniors of the outgoing batch. There was a small party arranged for us as Thursday was the last working day for them. This particular song from Sandesa sung by Ali Haider was being played many times and we all were singing together...

Bas yaadein
Yaadein
Yaadein reh jaati hain
Kuchh chhoti
Chhoti
Baatein reh jaati hain
Bas yaadein..

I could feel the emotions in their heart. The pain of being separated from their alma-mater, the farewell to the four precious years of full throttle enjoyment, the agony of being parted from the great frineds with whom they have lived each and every moment of their stay at this place - all could be clearly felt in their voices. We were feeling almost the same. We would immensely miss our great share of times with them; there would be nobody on top of us to throw away all our administrative troubles, to get free of cost pertinent suggestions on academic issues, and above all, these great friends of us.

Everything which has a begining has an end. For them, this is the end of the four years of a rosy world where everything seems perfect and great - to a begining of the realities of the harsh new land outside. For us, this is the end of our share of treasured moments with them, after which we would probably just be friends with a telephonic contact. We would miss the treats, we would miss the alcohol, we would miss them.

To Hell with these bugs..

I thought I would abstain from telling this openly, but its better to puke out what bothers me terribly. I can't withstand the bugs. These tiny ugly creatures literally give me shivers. The world would have been much more beautiful without them. We wouldn't have bothered to shove them away everytime they landed up just anywhere without permission! And count on that the trouble caused to your hands when you have to move them all around behind your neck or your spine in a rapid swift motion before they dare to enter (highly unashamed as they are) inside your shirt. And a few even notorious ones take the liberty to fly and sit peacefully on your hands when you shove them. A few real ugly ones make your fingers smell so badly that you would faint if you didn't wash your hands immediately. They show their presence everywhere, falling in my water jug, anytime I forget to cover it, and sometimes even in my glass of milk left for a few minutes to be cooled off. (And, it costs me Rs. 5/- per glass!) Sometimes, they can be found comfortable on the bed meant for a single human being.

You can't even kill them. I once saw a friend crushing such a creature with a book which sort of squeezed out a jelly-like thing from its pulp-like body and the scene had enough potential to make anyone puke! I am helpless at the pathetic sight of these bungy-jumpers on my book, challenging any human soul trying to concentrate on it. And, the problem is even worse because I use a table lamp. Anyway, I have no other option but to bear these dirty things until my exams are over because this is the small period when my table lamp glows.

P.S. : I can't even close the window to prevent them from entering the room, it's too hot!

200 seconds drenched in emotions

It lasts for just a few seconds over 3 minutes, but is sure to remain in your mind for another 3 days. The desolation, the longing, the desperation and the agony - all beautifully interwined constitute the following song from Raincoat.

hai kitne baras beete tum ghar naa aaye re ..

hai kitne baras beete tum ghar naa aaye re ..

raah dekhe saawan bhaado, dariyaa pahaad ..
raah dekhe saawan bhaado, dariyaa pahaad ..
o re tere liye raah dekhe sajnaa saara sansaar re ..
dil tarse, phir barse mere baalam ke liye ..
dil tarse, phir barse mere baalam ke liye ..
hai kitne baras beete tum ghar naa aaye re ..

raah dekhe kaale meghaa, nadiyaa kaa paani ..
raah dekhe kaale meghaa, nadiyaa kaa paani ..
o re tere liye raah dekhe balmaa saari zindagaani re ..
dil tarse, phir barse mere baalam ke liye ..
dil tarse, phir barse mere baalam ke liye ..

o re laut aao sajnaa mera dil bulaaye re
o re laut aao sajnaa mera dil bulaaye re
o re laut aao sajnaa mera dil bulaaye re ..

The song is written by Rituparno Ghosh who has directed the film himself. Debojyoti Mishra's music together with Shubha Mudgal's poignant voice accentuate the thwarted love affair. And, if you have watched the film, rethink about the situation in this song! If you haven't seen it, you are missing something great.

Silver lining of the cloud

Definition of my life
starts from distress;
Sadness and agony
and pain and frustration...
Oh! the master,
If at all you're there,
give me that ray of hope!

Life comes a full circle
after these 20 years...
But has something changed?
Except this false happiness of youth...
Oh! the master,
If at all you're there,
give me that ray of hope!

Not even a semblance
of peace or satisfaction;
Not even a virtual
solace in alcohol...
Oh! the master,
If at all you're there,
give me that ray of hope!

The sun never sets
and the river never rests
and the trees never complaint...
Strive for yourself;
Oh! poor creature,
Look at the silver
lining of the cloud!

Awake, arise and
listen to your heart...
Says the master within
my sacred soul;
Oh! poor creature,
Look at the silver
lining of the cloud!

When its all crap

Blogging is not an easy thing for lousy people like me. I have read a few marvellous blogs by people who have poured in all their thoughts and emotions. But, I can rarely be that creative and all I have to write is pure BC, including those book reviews or some astray things in day-to-day life. Only once after I started writing blogs did I became the most creative I could be and ended up with that poem-sort-of thing about love but that too was triggered due to extreme memories of the past.

But one thing I enjoy a lot - writing comments to what others have written. You might think I am too much of a critic, but one of my good friend says that I am the one who always shows the other side of the coin (and, of course, I love him!) I would thank my father for one great thing, he made me learn typewriting when I was 10. Now, its like I literally play with my keyboard to fill up all my thoughts without losing them in between. Today, I wrote one such comment on one of my friend's blog and he was astonished; the comment was a total of 3074 characters in length, even larger than the original post!

This post is again a crap, but I can justify this - I started this blog presuming it to be a place for my diary entries, and that's just what I am doing! After all, it was too many days since I wrote the last post and its better to stick something in between before going for another dumb looking book review of the work I am about to finish.

HoLi @ Jamshedpur

Holi! The best festival throughout the year! I like the festival for one very good reason, it gives me an opportunity to remain in contact with the most forgotten ones. Haven't you noticed that there are a few friends whom we meet only once in an year, on Holi? At least, its so in my case. There are quite a few who used to be my good friends in school, but now its only one day that we meet. But, I find it pretty good. Its much better to keep in touch at least once an year rather than loosing contact at all, isn't it?

Another strange attitude of people I happened to discover this time. Why at all can't we learn to let go? Let me explain a bit. We had a family gathering as usual. When one of my uncles arrived (and he happens to be one of those best humorous people I have met) and I tried to rub the red gulaal on his face, he refused saying, "After their death, we don't celebrate holi anymore with colours." (Two of his family members had died an year back) I understand his sentiments, but what is this? I mean how can you afford to live your entire life black-and-white just because somebody close to you is no more alive? Life must go on. My mother died two years back but does that mean I stop enjoying my own life? And in no way does it imply that I didn't love my mother. Their are more than a thousand people dying on this earth everyday and if everybody starts mourning, this earth won't be like what we see it today!

Anyways, Holi does provide you an opportunity to assuage bitter relationships, strengthen old bonds and of course, make new ones. That's the true spirit of this great festival!

To you with love

I'm not perfect
rather far away from it;
I haven't done anything
till date...
no achievements to boast
no accolades to brag.
But does that mean
I can't love?

I look plain and dry;
with worst sartorial tastes.
I shirk from responsibilities...
I’m a freak.
But does that mean
I can’t love?

I am dumb and inept;
I never became a good guitarist
I never became a good artist
I never became a sportsman
But does that mean
I can’t love?

I'm austere...
I have conscience
and a golden heart
which skips a beat
everytime it remembers you;
My love! tell me,
why shouldn’t I love you?

Small Wonders

Have you ever wondered how sometimes the tiny little things happening in our lives leave us amused and happy? You are sitting at a restaurant thinking about how that girl you didn't knew waved at you the other day and a smile comes up on your face. Suddenly the person sitting opposite asks - "Hey, what happened?" and you are speechless!

Or consider a different situation. Its the very first drizzle in the spring, totally out of season. Sitting in your room, you suddenly want to jump out and get all wet together with enjoying that great scent of earth. But, of course, its seldom you actually do it!

I can cite numerous examples. In one of your old school notebooks which you happen to discover when the house is being cleaned up, you get an old group photograph of the batch. Your heart ripples with the feelings of your childhood; or possibly by looking at that girl you had crush on! Or just remembering those great friends down the memory lane.

A similar such thing happened with me today. I had given all my clothes to the washerman (It always happens in a hostel that the entire closet becomes dirty at once!) and I had no other option than to resort to an old shirt kept safe inside my briefcase for months. When I took that off this evening, I sensed something in its pocket. It was a parking lot ticket.

Looking at the date and the vehicle number, the memories of that day immediately flashed back all at once! It wasn't an ordinary day. It was last year's Durga Puja. My sister's Activa was still new and I had passionately geared it all through the day! That DP, I had visited a lot more of Jamshedpur than any of the previous years, and the same day I had been to Babua Ji stall for the first time! All these memories kept flashing for a better part of an hour, and of course, left me immensely happy!

So the next time when you accidentally discover a cinema ticket in your pocket, or just a peacock feather in one of those old diaries, check out yourself for the veracity of my words!

Midnight again!

I am a strange person. I sometimes find my own acts weird! Sometimes I get involved in things to the extent of obsession and sometimes I just don't care even about the most important ones. But that's not always due to me. The best of the laws in this universe apply to me at the worst of the times. Ever heard of Sod's law, or Parkinson's law or that Pareto's law? All these souls come down on me heavily with all their might!

Leave all this aside! It all came to my mind for absolutely no reason. Midnights! This zero hour of the twenty four hour stretch has started loving me all of a sudden! Be it drinking (don't get shocked, I do drink!) at midnight, or just a pure lukkha visit to the station for that Ram charitra singh ki chai, midnights have started playing the most important part of my life. Be it one of the sensations of life which I discovered late (Read below "Biking at midnight") or today's midnight catastrophe!

Guessed right! Coming to the topic after lot of bhumika! I gave an exam today at midnight! Unbelievable - if these are your words, listen to the complete story! There was a programming contest called Overnite in the college techfest. I am over enthusiastic in things related to programming. And, its to the extent of obsession! But today, Murphy was at its best! I couldn't believe myself - the best programmer in my school; I didn't qualify the prelims! It shook me, shook me like nothing else! The midnight catastrophe! The lesson: never take anything for granted! Even the best ones tumble, and overconfidence is the reason.

Recent movies & comments

Sometimes I watch a few movies which might feel obscene to others. Yup! If you have gone by my profile, you might have seen entries like 'American Beauty', but as far as I think, what's the big deal? I don't recommend nudity, but movies like these are pure fun! And if you think they aren't, then you are of the type who won't even enjoy that great series called FRIENDS. I mean, OK its not at all about plain sex, but its simply far better an entertainer than some other typos. I just finished off with a similar one - 'American Pie'. Its again about friends, virginity and all college entertainment; but of course, not at all nudity. If you can't enjoy works like 'The Girl Next Door' or 'Replikate', then that's not my problem dear!

Five Point Someone

Ahaan! I read it in one go! Normally, it requires lots and lots of patience to complete a 270 page work in one sitting; and when it comes to me, its a definite no-no. I read it uptil 3:30 in the morning just because I couldn't resist myself leaving anything for the next day! (And, pat me on the back, I attended the 8 O' Clock crap class today as well!).

The book truly portrays the insti life, though, I feel that the three chaps got somewhat overscrewed! The lucid writing style of Chetan Bhagat keeps you stuck throughout the narration and of course, when it comes to something as close as yourself, you just can't stop appreciating. What do you think instances like this one suggest - "We are underperformers, but do you realize that its people like us who bring the average down so that even moderate ones can feel they are not far from it!" ? For me, its one thing for sure - positive attitude! Boy, forget your moral science lessons and see the logic in the above statement!

And, I am incomplete if I don't mention the best part. No points for guessing correctly - the beautiful Neha! The tiniest of female characteristics have been explored while Bhagat revolves around this character. Girls think repeating an adjective makes it more effective; girls do this all the time, say something half-funny, and laugh at it themselves; pretty girls have this power to turn Mary, making lambs out of people; hand-painting cushion covers, how can girls waste their time on such useless pursuits; how good it feels when a girl cries becuase she missed you..............
And the worst part - girls are beautiful, let's face it, and life is quite, quite worthless without them! Man, the last one is bittelry true.

The sucking profs, the great hostel and of course the Vodka! There is not a single front which the author has missed. I wish ISM had a nine storey building to offer me a rooftop to have my doses of "Signature"! Anyways, the stars look the same anywhere, isn't it?

Biking at midnight!

Man, that's the most beautiful thing I was still missing! Shame, isn't it that I never drove a bike at midnight? (Hans lo Mumbai waalon!) Yup, I gave it a go today! No, it wasn't mine, I don't possess one like most guys here in Emerald Hostel. It was the new, exciting Pulsar of Pahaad Sir (Hmmm, go by the name literally!) which I happened to get for an "urgent" work. (Come to my room to get the definition of "urgency at midnight"!)

And the ride? Mesmerizing! A long stretch from Saraidhela ICICI ATM to Station was the half-way share I got! The other half : courtesy Mr. PritiNarayan. If you are wondering what the hell I was doing at an ATM outlet at midnight, you are aspiring for that definition I talked about earlier!

And, my friend, if you haven't yet experinced the magical exhilaration of a midnight biking, better give it a go! Acceleration is the word which defines life!

Love Story again!

This time I watched it rather than reading it! Arthur Hiller has recreated the magic of Erich Segal's much acclaimed 'Love Story' in Howard G. Minsky - Arthur Hiller Production's film. Though it was released much earlier, I could manage a copy just a few days back. The book was the best I had read till date, and now, this film. The austerity of the starcast and the apt background music leaves the audience spellbound. Performances of Ali MacGraw as Jenny and Ryan O'Neal as Oliver were just marvellous. The film depicts the novel on celluloid in its full spirit. Watch out for yourself to believe my words.

A walk with my friend

It was around 9:30 pm. I was sitting in my room studying. Mid-sems are only after a week. Chandra came to my room and said - "Chalo." He is not that kind of a guy from which you can expect something like this. He can actually refuse when you tell him something highly 'unspecific' like this! I nodded. We went outside the hostel. I was expecting something from him. Surely he wants to tell me something. Strange of him! It was full-moon. I love strolling in nights illuminated by moon. We just kept walking. To initiate some talking I asked - "Do you wanna go to the musical night?". "No" was the plain reply. Nothing after that.

He took the longer route to the main gate, that's the route normally used by vehicles; another strange thing from his side. He is the one who is the first to deny whenever I suggest walking rather than taking a rickshaw to the gate anytime we go outside the campus. I felt awkward: you can't just walk, together with a friend, in dumb silence. At the crossroad, he turned left. We reached the lower ground. He wanted to sit for sometime on the stairs beside the ground. Another strange behaviour, I mean, nobody does that at quarter to 10 in the night. I nodded anticipating something from him. No reaction again. We sat quitely for sometime. I was appreciating the decorations of all the buildings glittering with different colours for Sunday's Basant - annual alumni meet of ISM. He remarked just once about a couple seen distantly near the Ruby Hostel - "Watch out, the guy has accompanied her to the hostel and they are stealing a final few moments!" I replied back - "Yup! The last fifteen minutes before the girls hostel entry closes at 10." Silence after that. I kept gazing the stars. A few minutes later he called back - "Lets go." I nodded.

We took the normal route back. This meant almost a full circle of the campus. I thought I must ask him straight - "What's the matter buddy? Are you OK?". I kept silent. We reached the hostel gate. This time I couldn't resist - "Did you took me out only for a stroll?" He nodded. I knew he wasn't telling the truth. I tried again - "I would have accompanied you even if you had told that in my room." Nothing again I knew he was hiding something. What? A confession, a decision, a thought, a problem, or something else?

The world for me

Reassuring : When I sit with my friends
Beautiful : When I was in love
Desirous : When I visit my village
Indifferent : When I am drunk
Different : Everyday
Exhaustive : Before exams
Difficult : During exams
Deceitful : Sometimes
Marvellous : Rarely
Exciting : On tours
Peaceful : When I stroll in the moonlight
Exhilarating : When I drench in the rain
Rejuvenating : During festivals
Strange : ALWAYS

A book which speaks

I happened to go through "Out Of My Mind - A flight into the realm of thought and spirit" by Richard Bach. A great book on self-discovery. An inspiration towards hope, joy and wonder in oneself. I had read Bach before in "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" and "Illusions - The confessions of a reluctant messiah". Jonathan was a marvellous creation. And then this one. It literally speaks out my feelings: the profuse imaginations of my heart and above all - hope.

A paragraph says : "Everything is exactly as it is for a reason. The crumb is on our table not only as a reminder of this morning's cookie, it is there because we have chosen not to remove it. No exceptions. Everything has a reason, and the tiniest detail is a clue."

A little later, it is said : "The design exists, Richard, the possiblity of just this combination of elements in just these relationships, the design for this machine existed at the very instant that spacetime began. Whoever first draws the plans gets to call it whatever they want to call it. Every world has its own laws and ideas about who owns what, they're mostly different."

In essence, it simply turns out to be that nobody owns anything, its just that this world believes that you own it. And if you have read Illusions, the it mentioned in the last line is nothing but an illusion!

Muhurat

I have never been a good writer, not even a good orator. Both of these skills require a certain amount of exposure, which I never have been through, possibly because of my own negligence. I used to write diaries for a few years in my school days. It was a great respite from life's troubles, a good place to vent out everything. I intend to do the same with this blog, though, there is a slight difference: it can be read by anybody.

This is one thing I have realised, hiding something doesn't solve the problem and never relieves from pain. Its best if you tell that out aloud and just get out of that mess.

So, finally a place for me is created with these few lines, and, this space would be used for nothing but my diary entries.