Potpourri

Long time no blogging. Coming back after two months with a pessimistic note. What has been going on in my mind in the past few weeks is hinted by the following informations glanced upon here and there :

Two people in a small Himalayan village exhumed a dead body and then consumed it after cutting its head. They were "tantriks" who believed that consumption of a dead body would give them supernatural powers.

A woman delivered a baby in a lavatory bowl while answering to nature's call. The head of the baby was stuck in the hole of the bowl and by the time some fire brigade personnel broke the bowl and rushed the baby to the hospital, it was dead.

Around 50 people - whose charred bodies with a terrible stench were kept on ice slabs for claims - were engulfed in a fire which ran through three air-conditioned pandals of an exhibition in a city named Meerut.

In parts of Pakistan and Afghanistan, people have a callous carnival in which they cheer on attack dogs mauling at a defenselessly tethered bear in an arena for the bear baiting bloodsport. In parts of India, little bear cubs are blinded and neutered and then dragooned into dancing with thick ropes driven into their sensitive muzzles pierced with hot iron rods and other merciless multiple mutilations.

And finally, the protagonist Winston Smith of my present novel 1984 (George Orwell) is being tortured by electric shocks and blood thirsty rodents attacking on his face in the Ministry of Love of Oceania.

Bon Jovi's "Is it you and me or just this world we live in?" comes to my mind almost instantly. And then follows "Gonna take a miracle to save us this time"! Amidst all this potpourri of "strange" thoughts, I could reach to just one conclusion - the world is a dirty place and all our present actions are knowingly or unknowingly directed towards finding clean spots here itself, isn't it?

Back again

It's been four whole months since I scribbled this space. I am personally convinced that this is my longest stretch of an open display of procrastination. Many events crossed by, many a times I actually got down to writing, but then...

Life has taken a U-turn I guess. CAT, XAT this that... all passed away, and now I am waiting for the 90 day countdown after which I'll be out of this place. New year passed without any resolutions or fanfare. Did nothing in the winter vacations as well; except yes, a few good books. Am feeling too lousy to write about them though.

Mood Swing

Mid-semesters ended last week. But yet, I have vowed to study hard until the 20th of November, because currently, on the top of my agenda is CAT '05 due on that date. Today, though, I didn't feel much like intriguing myself with those 35 second per question thing and decided to do something different. Old spirit of fine arts came back to my mind but owing to unavailability of my painting equipments, I resorted to doing some pencil work on my room wall itself. This is what I ended up with:

Got a lot of views and comments from those who saw it: about the mood of that character, or about my mood itself when I drew that. Few called it mischievous, few just good. What do you say?

The 'Sportive Instinct'

Something has suddently got over me. In better terms, let me put it as - Sportive Instinct. I get up at 5 in the morning just to try my hands on Lawn Tennis. Tell that to somebody out here who hasn't seen me returning back (just because everybody is asleep at that time!) and he would think - have I gone mad? Getting up before the sun is up atleast by several degrees above the landscape is a sort of offence if practiced in hostels - the only thumb rule which dictates the time to get up at this place is, get up around 15 minutes before the first class, so that you can catch it up atleast within the 'acceptable' limits of +15 minutes.

The evening daily consists of a bit of volleyball. I am not a very good player though, but - every age is the right age to learn! On the top of it, the court is filled up with amateurs like me, not causing too much of troubles. I know I can play fair if I continue this zeal.

Friends drifting away with time

Ever noticed how at this stage of life one by one our friends have started drifting away from us - transforming into formal acquaintances from close friends? Some reason or the other, we are getting separated from each other. It troubles me, might be because the adolescent kid inside me has not yet been able to give way to adulthood so as to have enough strength to face these harsh realities. I still find myself immature, troubled with slightest difficulties... In about an year, I would be away from the close ones in my alma-mater. Few of them from my school are even getting married! And it descends upon my heart like a melancholy for no obvious reasons.

Will friends stay close with the passage of time? Its difficult to predict, even more difficult to observe yourself. Sometimes I feel I'm getting too much involved in things, or getting too much social, but what's the problem with that? I wonder if there would be a day when everybody would be busy in their professional lives and would lose meaning of our friendship. I just wish that never happens. I read somewhere - Friends don't drift apart universally with time. It's your own decision to shut off your eyes, so that you don't acknowledge them.

P.S. I don't believe in star tracks, but just after finishing this blog, here's what I found in today's Graphiti -

Virgo (August 21 - September 20) This week Virgoans are on an emotional roller-coaster. Cast aside insecure feelings. Draw comfort from family and friends. You may also feel lonely or unloved, but do not slip into a depressive mode. You just need to ask yourself whether this self-pity is justified. Chin up!

Quoting a line from my own previous post - you start believing in everything when you want to.

My friend gets married!

This wedding I attended was entirely different from all my previous experiences of such an occasion. Earlier, on all such occasions, I had been with my family, going for a maximum of 3 to 4 hours, rhetorically respecting entire family members gathered and returning back to enjoy a good night's sleep after a tiresome day.

This was different in many aspects - first and the foremost, I was well acquainted with both the bride and the groom. The bride happened to be a close friend from my school, and the groom is my senior. Its a nice feeling when you are in a situation like this, being known on both sides! Next, the meeting with seniors from my college in the evening - I re-experienced the same senior-junior relationship tradition of ISM about which each one of us are proud of. I had never seen or met anyone before, but we sat together, chatted and drank like we had known each other for years.

Then the baraat - for the first time I attended one after consuming a little alcohol! We danced a lot just like any other party at our institute, but there was a difference - there was a camera rolling! It was fun, dancing on band party instruments is much more exciting than even a DJ.

It was different, I saw her in that bride's dress and she was looking beautiful with a handsome match standing besides her. I was happy for my friend, she's stepping in a new life. Congratulations Madhu!

The WET Friday

Myself and Chandra hosted a small party on the occasion of our campus selections. Too late, of course, its been 5 days since we have been through, but the sequence of events during the week didn't allow us an early treat.

Alcohol in all its splendour, people with all their emotions, we drank and spoke our hearts out. A blend of everything - happiness and pain, frustration and exasperation, love and longing - all present in many flavours. I had witnessed the failure of a brilliant mind the entire week, I can see the agony of separation with the seniors, I can feel the terrible time when we would separate from our friends in just an year, I can't stop my tears looking at my frustrated friend....

We danced, we drank, we cried, we celebrated, we encouraged, we separated .... and all this from dusk to dawn. A warm cup of tea at Ramdhani on this Saturday morning marked an end to the wet Friday, but the feeling lingers on.... and it pains in the heart.

And finally a success

The pursuit of success is far more exciting than the success itself.

Today, I landed up with my first job - IBM Global Services.

Friends ask me - you must be feeling in the airs, huh? And I can't explain to them, not at least in words - that I am not feeling in the air, but firm on the ground, firmer than I ever felt. Its an achievement, of course, but it hasn't left me that happy that I would jump around. The pursuit of success - I was enjoying that part. Preparing for the campus selections, going through everything about the company, and finally gearing myself up for those tricky HR questions, it was wonderful! And it was troublesome. Anxiety day and night, mixed with a fear of rejection - I myself did things which appear strange to me; like trying to feel confident even though a part of my mind never was! Analysing yourself, short term and long term goals, strengths and weaknesses.... All those things which are the toughest to think about! Who can think of his own weaknesses? Even if you think of many, babbling those in an interview would lead to nothing but rejection. Analysing myself! One thing which lacks in most of the humans - swaadhyaya as it is put by Maharshi Dayanand Saraswati. The day I learn that, 90% of the troubles would wither away by themselves.

The success itself? A little masti overnight with friends, a little consolation to those talented ones who got rejected, and finally a good night's sleep after days of examination. The end of success celebrations! Who would say I am feeling in the air?

But one strange feeling dawns on me - how a yesterday kid of a small locality is getting transformed into a professional. I imagine myself playing cricket in that nearby ground and attending school classes in that sombre uniform I always disliked - and then here I am - soon to land up in a job like the uncles in the colony do, soon to attend a conference in Europe... and soon to get out of my college as an engineering graduate. Things have changed, and possibly my perspectives as well. There is much more to come in life!

Tera peechha na, main ...

I think he is angry with me because I never quoted the full law, but just babbled out how it affected me in all my previous posts. In the simplest of terms (it can be much more complex at times!), Murphy's law states that - "If something can go wrong, it will go wrong." And this month, it has untied all his strings to show me to the fullest extent how devastating it can be.

Starting off with May 1st. The May Day - the labourer's day. I was doing more than required labour for the semester exams starting from 2nd. When you are in an engineering college, you must learn how to avoid studies the entire semester and then how to complete everything in a single night. Its a difficult task - but engineers come to the rescue for every difficulty in the world. So, lying on my bed with a chotha (college slang for every type of study material except the required textbook) in hand, and with my legs doing slight aerobics in the back when my head was juggling with something called Digital Communications, the right leg struck something kept on the window. My mirror fell on the ground and the head-on collision broke the glass into two pieces. The pieces didn't fell apart but remained in the frame and I decided to use the mirror until I got time to go to the market and buy a new one.

The next morning, May 2nd. The D-Day - the start of semester examinations. At about 3 O'Clock when I was about to go to sleep, I pulled the curtains and the thing fell again. This time, the mirror was broken into pieces and I had no option but to throw it out. I don't believe in superstitions, but you start believing in everything when you want to. Somebody had told me that a broken mirror is a bad sign and had suggested me to throw it out immediately when it was broken the first time. So, to give myself a reassurance (and others an explanation!) when I would be doing bad in the exams, I decided to remember it as a point to be mentioned for the reason of my performance. Then came the exams - I answered so badly that I am flunking in the paper! The first time in my life - I am failing in a subject.

May 3rd. The Asthma Day - no correlation with my sequence of events. The next paper - VLSI design. With half of the sleep required for a normal human being, I went to give the exams. After about one and a half hours, I got a terrible scolding for using unfair means in the examination. That's one terrible thing on part of the profs, they happily segregate even the tiniest of acts performed in an examination hall as unfair means! After a long lecture on honesty and all, I was atleast allowed to answer the paper.

Tomorow I am appearing for Microprocessors based systems. The syllabus is a complete epic in itself. Let's see what's more in store to come during this entire week!

Purani Jeans

We all were sitting in a room with seniors of the outgoing batch. There was a small party arranged for us as Thursday was the last working day for them. This particular song from Sandesa sung by Ali Haider was being played many times and we all were singing together...

Bas yaadein
Yaadein
Yaadein reh jaati hain
Kuchh chhoti
Chhoti
Baatein reh jaati hain
Bas yaadein..

I could feel the emotions in their heart. The pain of being separated from their alma-mater, the farewell to the four precious years of full throttle enjoyment, the agony of being parted from the great frineds with whom they have lived each and every moment of their stay at this place - all could be clearly felt in their voices. We were feeling almost the same. We would immensely miss our great share of times with them; there would be nobody on top of us to throw away all our administrative troubles, to get free of cost pertinent suggestions on academic issues, and above all, these great friends of us.

Everything which has a begining has an end. For them, this is the end of the four years of a rosy world where everything seems perfect and great - to a begining of the realities of the harsh new land outside. For us, this is the end of our share of treasured moments with them, after which we would probably just be friends with a telephonic contact. We would miss the treats, we would miss the alcohol, we would miss them.

To Hell with these bugs..

I thought I would abstain from telling this openly, but its better to puke out what bothers me terribly. I can't withstand the bugs. These tiny ugly creatures literally give me shivers. The world would have been much more beautiful without them. We wouldn't have bothered to shove them away everytime they landed up just anywhere without permission! And count on that the trouble caused to your hands when you have to move them all around behind your neck or your spine in a rapid swift motion before they dare to enter (highly unashamed as they are) inside your shirt. And a few even notorious ones take the liberty to fly and sit peacefully on your hands when you shove them. A few real ugly ones make your fingers smell so badly that you would faint if you didn't wash your hands immediately. They show their presence everywhere, falling in my water jug, anytime I forget to cover it, and sometimes even in my glass of milk left for a few minutes to be cooled off. (And, it costs me Rs. 5/- per glass!) Sometimes, they can be found comfortable on the bed meant for a single human being.

You can't even kill them. I once saw a friend crushing such a creature with a book which sort of squeezed out a jelly-like thing from its pulp-like body and the scene had enough potential to make anyone puke! I am helpless at the pathetic sight of these bungy-jumpers on my book, challenging any human soul trying to concentrate on it. And, the problem is even worse because I use a table lamp. Anyway, I have no other option but to bear these dirty things until my exams are over because this is the small period when my table lamp glows.

P.S. : I can't even close the window to prevent them from entering the room, it's too hot!

HoLi @ Jamshedpur

Holi! The best festival throughout the year! I like the festival for one very good reason, it gives me an opportunity to remain in contact with the most forgotten ones. Haven't you noticed that there are a few friends whom we meet only once in an year, on Holi? At least, its so in my case. There are quite a few who used to be my good friends in school, but now its only one day that we meet. But, I find it pretty good. Its much better to keep in touch at least once an year rather than loosing contact at all, isn't it?

Another strange attitude of people I happened to discover this time. Why at all can't we learn to let go? Let me explain a bit. We had a family gathering as usual. When one of my uncles arrived (and he happens to be one of those best humorous people I have met) and I tried to rub the red gulaal on his face, he refused saying, "After their death, we don't celebrate holi anymore with colours." (Two of his family members had died an year back) I understand his sentiments, but what is this? I mean how can you afford to live your entire life black-and-white just because somebody close to you is no more alive? Life must go on. My mother died two years back but does that mean I stop enjoying my own life? And in no way does it imply that I didn't love my mother. Their are more than a thousand people dying on this earth everyday and if everybody starts mourning, this earth won't be like what we see it today!

Anyways, Holi does provide you an opportunity to assuage bitter relationships, strengthen old bonds and of course, make new ones. That's the true spirit of this great festival!

Midnight again!

I am a strange person. I sometimes find my own acts weird! Sometimes I get involved in things to the extent of obsession and sometimes I just don't care even about the most important ones. But that's not always due to me. The best of the laws in this universe apply to me at the worst of the times. Ever heard of Sod's law, or Parkinson's law or that Pareto's law? All these souls come down on me heavily with all their might!

Leave all this aside! It all came to my mind for absolutely no reason. Midnights! This zero hour of the twenty four hour stretch has started loving me all of a sudden! Be it drinking (don't get shocked, I do drink!) at midnight, or just a pure lukkha visit to the station for that Ram charitra singh ki chai, midnights have started playing the most important part of my life. Be it one of the sensations of life which I discovered late (Read below "Biking at midnight") or today's midnight catastrophe!

Guessed right! Coming to the topic after lot of bhumika! I gave an exam today at midnight! Unbelievable - if these are your words, listen to the complete story! There was a programming contest called Overnite in the college techfest. I am over enthusiastic in things related to programming. And, its to the extent of obsession! But today, Murphy was at its best! I couldn't believe myself - the best programmer in my school; I didn't qualify the prelims! It shook me, shook me like nothing else! The midnight catastrophe! The lesson: never take anything for granted! Even the best ones tumble, and overconfidence is the reason.

A walk with my friend

It was around 9:30 pm. I was sitting in my room studying. Mid-sems are only after a week. Chandra came to my room and said - "Chalo." He is not that kind of a guy from which you can expect something like this. He can actually refuse when you tell him something highly 'unspecific' like this! I nodded. We went outside the hostel. I was expecting something from him. Surely he wants to tell me something. Strange of him! It was full-moon. I love strolling in nights illuminated by moon. We just kept walking. To initiate some talking I asked - "Do you wanna go to the musical night?". "No" was the plain reply. Nothing after that.

He took the longer route to the main gate, that's the route normally used by vehicles; another strange thing from his side. He is the one who is the first to deny whenever I suggest walking rather than taking a rickshaw to the gate anytime we go outside the campus. I felt awkward: you can't just walk, together with a friend, in dumb silence. At the crossroad, he turned left. We reached the lower ground. He wanted to sit for sometime on the stairs beside the ground. Another strange behaviour, I mean, nobody does that at quarter to 10 in the night. I nodded anticipating something from him. No reaction again. We sat quitely for sometime. I was appreciating the decorations of all the buildings glittering with different colours for Sunday's Basant - annual alumni meet of ISM. He remarked just once about a couple seen distantly near the Ruby Hostel - "Watch out, the guy has accompanied her to the hostel and they are stealing a final few moments!" I replied back - "Yup! The last fifteen minutes before the girls hostel entry closes at 10." Silence after that. I kept gazing the stars. A few minutes later he called back - "Lets go." I nodded.

We took the normal route back. This meant almost a full circle of the campus. I thought I must ask him straight - "What's the matter buddy? Are you OK?". I kept silent. We reached the hostel gate. This time I couldn't resist - "Did you took me out only for a stroll?" He nodded. I knew he wasn't telling the truth. I tried again - "I would have accompanied you even if you had told that in my room." Nothing again I knew he was hiding something. What? A confession, a decision, a thought, a problem, or something else?